unsent letter to sherwin torralba

to my Daddy..Darling...Dear..Thank you for believing in me..as the song says " You first believe" ...every word of it says what I felt for you. Like the song is written for me........I'm not really use to this ..but its just me thinking loud...This is how I felt for you at this very moment written in words....01:31 am 12.21.10 ( im on shift.hehehehehe)..this past few days I'm thinking of something to give you this christmas...something special..priceless ba. and one of a kind..and I've come up with this letter.... corny .and .awkward nga kasi girl ako pero sinusalatan kita..hehe Christmas naman so please bear with me..tago mo toh kasi baka eto na ang una't huling letter na ibibigay ko sayo!!!..

Hindi ko alam kung anong kwento mo but this is my testimony on how we found each other.........You've heard it already but this is the complete version....

4 years ago may kasunduan kami ni Lord na hindi ako magcocommit for 3 years na yung oras ko yung resources ko sa kanya lang..in short sya muna ang bf ko..(pasaway kasi ako puro unbeliever kinukuha ko kaya ayon nagsusuffer ako palagi)..tinulungan naman ako ni Lord. masaya din ako sa pagiging single..active naman ako sa ministry ..at present pa ko sa wednesday service.I just love going to church..at pagkalipas ng tatlong taon..niremind ko yung promise nya sa akin...October 30, 2009 yun yung expiration ng contract namin ..hehehe ..hindi ko man nasunod lahat ng promise ko pero hindi naman ako naging pasaway within that period of time..so simula nun kasama na sa prayers ko yung lovelife ko..and tinatry ko din na makimingle sa ibang christian. I ve even attended camps from other churches..wala kasi ako makita sa church natin..hehehe.pero wala pa din yung promise nya..pero pray pa rin na may dadating..at iclaim ko ng 12.10.10 dadating na sya..


Hindi ko alam kung kelan ka dumating sa church pero nagstop ako sa ministry mga january 2010 ang reason ko work .. nagaadjust pa ko..may shift ako ng sunday..ang daming reason....naging last si Lord sa buhay ko.. I dont have cellgroup and I dont attend go to church even sunday service...one time out ko ng 8:30 sunday ..may prompting si Lord na ummattend ng service dahil may english service ng 9am ..si Ptr. Pete yung speaker nun and its all about Timothy ..and making all effort to follow God..and next Sunday service si Ptr Rainier same message ..same verse..ewan ko na lang kung hindi ko pa naggetz yung point ..hehehe...so nag decide ako na kahit magbalik loob..kahit walang tulog ,,,church pa din..nag enroll ako sa wli..balik cg...nagcommit din ako s media ministry...binalak ko nga din mag join sa sol pag tuesday kaya lng baka hindi ko kayang tapusin...

nanliligaw nga pala ulit yung ex ko. ayaw ko na lang bigyan ng chance kasi pingive up na sya sakin ni Lord ."unbeliever kasi"..pero consistent sya in fairness.
at paulit ulit ko syang i gigive up kung kinakailangan basta bigay na nya saking yung galing GB ko...

at sa wli...
si kuya ayi lang ang kilala ko don pero alam ko pinakilala kayo sakin ni pastor elmer nung orientation..pero ala lang..puyat eh..late pa..wala sa mood..tsaka nahihiya din ako kc pang 10 beses ko na ata aattend ng wli101..3 lesson lang di ko pa matapos...very good talaga ako. hehehehe.

maaga tayo natapos sa wli kaya naggrocery muna ko tapos wait muna ako sa usual upuan ko.. lumapit ka sabi mo kung pwede tumabi kasi wala kang katabi..tama ba...tapos ang kulit mo ..hehehe...friendly naman ako kaya ok lang...tsaka friend ka ni a.b.. so I think nice ka din..:-) tapos feeling ko may something ..sabi ko kapag before ako umalis at kinuha mo ang number ko. ..confirmed ..like mo ko ...hehehee...at syempre hindi ko kabisado number ko at wala akong load...binigay mo na lng number mo!!!!

and the rest is history.......................

yung 1st week super pray ako nun..tinatanong ko lng si Lord kung ikaw na ba?
your so young for me...kaya lang sabi nya..no mind can conceive what He have in store for us....as in never ko naisip that magkakagusto ako sa younger sakin..I've ask for councel din sa trusted friends ko kung anong masasabi nila...lahat ok naman...may inintay pa kong 2 confirmation..kung ok ka sa tito and tita ko and if you will share my plans with me which you did..

mabilis lang lahat pero matagal kitang inintay...................

taking it slow

I'm a little bit disappointed of him..not once but twice now..I hope by this time your sensitive enough not to do it again..In this complicated relationship I will do most of the adjustment ..I'm up for that when I allowed you to step in to my life..I would like to think that your doing this out of ..ignorance I guess..sorry for the term..It really annoys me,,,(sigh)!!this must be one of the sacrifices that I would face ..I never imagined that my first real relationship would look like this.I guess God is too wise to know His plans...till then I stay with you..We will grow together...and our Love,,As of this moment I can say your special.,,that's it..always remember what I have told you, that I will give you all the chances you need to know me...just don't do anything stupid..I mean it ...This must be something exciting to you and something you look forward to,..but for me it may be my last chance... I've been hurt before and still hurting for the same man..but you give me hope to make things right this time...When I'm with you..God is telling me that He acknowledge my needs that I am no forgotten,,That I am Loved..I am moved by your words..by how you make me special but I am human so weak to weigh too much of mistakes done than the good one,,I am not perfect I will hurt you unintentionally ..the way your doing to me now..we can talk it over..Let just not make mistake twice ok...I already told a past Love of mine that you are my future..Be the man...and I will be your lady..

korean mania

It was in college when I was hooked at Meteor Garden, who can forget the F4 and san chai. I could say that I'm a little bit overacting that time..I even keep clipings and large posters of the cast..My mind going gaga for that show..I even remember lending my younger brother my precious cell phone so that I dont have any competition in watching tv....I guess Im not the only I could say...and this addiction continue especially now that I can buy things that I want..If I would enumerate all the series that I have watched It would be long long list...I came to realize now right at this very moment on why do I have that attachment to this kind of stuff. It eats all my time, my resources, my thoughts..why am I hooked to this...Why do I Love watching koreanovelas??? my fantasies become real, this is my scape..It gives me hope that someday I will be the bida and this handsome young man we love me so much,,,with all the drama at the end they will love each other...they would share sweet memories..it creates a temporary world that allows me to love and be happy...this is my own bisyo....it may not be healty for some time but I cannot give it up..soon maybe when I can be in my own story...my love story ..written by God,,,till then I still cling to my love . sarangeyo...

???????????????

Where am I now. I am doing the best that I can.I am not growing instead I am backing

9.4.10 this is it....

I am not the type of person who easily gives up..but I am running out of reasons to stay...Right now I am already decided to quit my job..I find it so stressful already,.I can handle it but its not worth the fight anymore,,listening to their complaints..to all their frustration........specially if its queuing...we put our hearts in what we do ...but It seems the company we are working for concerned only of making profits..I admire their efforts to save the business but they were providing low quality products and service...and as call center agent ..we are the front liners in the battle field...as much as we would love to help them there is nothing I can do ..we are not in Canada..and we only have limited resources here...I wanted to shout it loud........."__________" sucks,,,how's the business going..To all their customers..I do understand were your coming from..."...I will miss you all...

Tomorrow our account will be having our anniversary..I wish I'll take home one of major prizes. If I will be transferred to other account ..I think I can stay for a little bit longer....

status as of 8.29.10

In a week time we will undergo performance monitoring, This is one big challenge for me and for sure this will be tough month. For all call center pips you must be familiar with P.I.P. and in our account failing this program means termination...though I am confident that I will pass this test, I still need to have a back up plan. Monday next week I'll take my chances at JP Morgan chase..This job that I have right now is originally training ground so that I can improve my communication skills so that I can pass my interview. Im so excited..if God permits and give me a day job or backoffice position. I will do my best to excel in this company.. If I'll have the job, I'm planning to rent a place for me stay since its not convenient for me to travel everyday.--I claim in God's name that I will have this job--..well till next time..

8.3.10

What's new ..Lifeline is going down again!!. I have so many things to worried about...well... I really should not be worrying on those things but can't help it..
Im stuck in a team where I dont like my Tl..can't explain why..have my own reason but not valid..I dont talk to my mother and brother at all..( so many issues but bottom line I dont want the responsibility) also have issues regarding partition of Land.....Im really old to have this kind of stuff in mind.. But worrying is a trash.. It wont get me nowhere..Good thing there is God...I miss my friends ..I miss the old me..There is so many things that I really have to strive for... Sometimes answers are in front of me but I don't have courage to act on it.... I really some time out..My life is so lame..so stagnant.. I really need a make over..a lifestyle ..It all began when I worked in the call center. I thought I will have all the time in the world to go out.. to explore..to be with the people that I want to be with..but it turns out that all the time I have is not enough to a preoccupied me. The only question is that I have right now is that "would going back to a regular job will bring back my life"....The answer really depends on me..do I have enough will to stand in my desire to go back to the path that I need to go..Help me God..I know I can..with you by myside..I am strong when I am weak.

Looking back..last year this is my last month with PSbank...effectivity of resignation Aug.30.. excited & exhausted at the same time..I've been tough through the years....of all the work & family issues...Its a lot harder than I have right now ...........as of this moment I just want to be alone..or get busy.....regain my self confidence...

My dream house

I find the design so relaxing..that you may want to go home..na achieve nya din ang japanese- filipino look na gusto ko..pero syempre may changes na gagawin dahil hindi practical kung glass wall ..haha mahal yan.. ok din yug laki. walang masyadong arte..simple lang parang ako ..

update as of 7.4.10

good news...last weight check..149lbs..that's a good start..

Yesterday..My friends saw me and according to them I look like the same...

http://www.nhlbisupport.com/bmi/bmicalc.htm

I remember how conscious I am in maintaining my weight. There is a time when I panicked when noticed that I already weight 124lbs. from 115lbs...and I'm talking about 2 years ago..From then my life change a lot....back then though I can say that I live a life that full of baggages and as years pass each of these baggage was taken out of my life...In deed I live life the way I wanted it to be..what's the connection?...I eat , I sleep,...I lived a lazy life...In active...result..I become bloated..I grew big as in 155lbs..This weight is no joke and it's affecting my life in bang!!..I cannot wear the clothes that I wanted to..I don't feel seeing other people..neighbors, relatives, officemates from previous job..In fact I don't feel going to church..And changing my eating habits is not easy...I read books, articles, testimonies, and analyzing things on how will I gain myself back..

Check BMI

BMI Categories:

• Underweight = <18.5
• Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
• Overweight = 25-29.9
• Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

Right now my BMI is 29.3 means I'm on overweight.. On the positive side It's better than being obese.

So I should weigh 120 lbs..and I'm giving myself 5 months to do that..waist line to 28..Im on 35 right now..

and for me to achieve this goal. I found some guidelines ..

1. Selecting a Weight Loss Program- I think I'm going to pass on this one..( or rephrase it then to my OPLAN 11olbs)

2.Guide to Physical Activity- Start exercising slowly, and gradually increase the intensity.

3. Guide to Behavior Change-I have this book about Body Intelligence..It really helps since I could say that I am a emotional eater.

4. Daily Monitoring of Food and Activity- I'll keep you posted..

...I'm up for the challenge..The price.. Myself..To be me again..Confident & In control..

OPERATION 110lbs.

soooon....


still brainstorming............


I did this to myself..Then I can solve it.......


It may be difficult but its possible....

Shit happens

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
just want to voice out what I feel. I failed my QA Again..62...what to do????????????

its kinda frustrating already! whether you do good or not ..still the same....

need some motivation please....................

Ang ganda,,,I like this one,,,
hindi po ako may gawa hehehe..I want to make my own version..mmm..sino ba pwedeng model?? ako na lang kaya ..hehehe

Unsent letter

Life would never be the same without you. I know that your my best friend, Though we are not vocal with each other you know that we are connected by heart...more than blood. You are God's precious gift. My second chance of having a father...You were there when I am afraid. You always have time to listen to my emotional outburst ..you are my diary..you are my present help..you were hurt when someone hurts me...you made me laugh..you tell me things I need to hear..You believe in me..You're my no one fan & critic..You're my wings...You're my adviser..You know me better than myself (can't scape)..You know what I'm thinking,,You know when I lie (tsk tsk tsk) or hiding something..You're my rock..You protect me from harm. I cannot ask more from you than to stay healthy and the same.I found a family in you. And I'm thanking God for leading me to you..If God takes away something He will give something better in return..

I hope you like my simple token of appreciation for this day..

Happy Fathers Day to all..To your biological dad's or to your father figure...Father's by blood or by heart...

To dance with my father again....................

I grew up without having a father...but he left me with enough memories that I can carry on.. He died when I was 5 year old from then life for me is not easy especially in terms of finances. We really have to make something out of what we have..what we only have..As the eldest I carry the burden of helping my families needs..though at times I felt tired of all the responsibilities I have to go on..I know dispite of hardship he is there for me so that I can make the right choices..I really miss my tatay. I've always describe myself as daddy's little girl...so precious & fragile..She have so many plans for me. I know he must be so broken about the tought of leaving us..I hope he us happy with what we become.. He will always be in my heart..To my Taytay, though I have Tito already you will always be my father & I will love you..You will not be forgoten..and I'm thinking that If i'll have a son I'm going to name it after you.. My only regret is not we did not have the chance to bond..I miss you tatay..

Childhood sweetheart

When I am on my way to work this day I saw my childhood friend..Though Its dark already I still can see the glow in his face.. or am I just the one who's excited to see him..This incident brightens my day.. I didn't have the chance to speak to him.. I just smiled.. I herd him saying "Its already late"..and hold my risk for a momment... I really miss this guy though I already gave up fantizising him as my husband ..because as twist of fate..we happened to have same surname.. when we are in grade school we use to introduce ourselves as a couple. We grew up teasing each other as "TABA" and "KALBO" whenever we saw each other. And if I will be given a chance to choose the characteristic both Physical & Character I would definite suggest someone like him..Well Its one sad love story.. Were still single as of the moment. I just hope that I'll marry first before he does.. Even words are not spoken but the way we look at each other says we miss the old times and I know deep inside we are still same gradeschool kids who likes each other more than friends..I don't know if he still remembers but he is the first guy who held my hands & kissed me........ on the forehead..

scandal

watch out for the full video soon...

skeleton

kulit lang

circle of friends

mia, jm, erdel, mitch and I

I just got this idea from a book we saw in robison. I just got excited to make one and on the spot we shot this photo..It turn out exactly as I thought...we also saw other artwork for CG ,,,its so cool and amazing...it so expensive that we are so careful in flipping each page..soon I'm going to post my own version of it...

as requested by thet

before

after

para sa blog lang po..no offense to pakner..

Again..........

I heard from a friend todayAnd she said you were in townSuddenly the memories came back to me in myMind[CHORUS]How can I be strong I've asked myselfTime and time I've saidThat I'll never fall in love with you againA wounded heart you gaveMy soul you took awayGood intentions you had manyI know you didI come from a place that hurtsAnd God knows how I've criedAnd I never want to returnnever fall againMaking love to youOh it felt so good andOh so right[CHORUS]So here we are alone again'Didn't think it'd come to thisAnd to know it all beganWith just a little kissI've come too close to happinessTo have it swept awayDon't think I can take the painNo never fall againKinda late in the game and my heart is inYour handsDon't you stand there and thenTell me you loveMe then leave againCause I'm falling in love withYou againHold meHold meDon't ever let me goSay it just one timeSay you love meGod knows I doLove youAgain

4rth year anniversary of being single & happy

June 2, 2007..Makati City, Paseo de Roxas ave... Around 7pm..That night the weather is cold and walkways are slippery after a continous rain..I cannot walk as fast I could on my way to the terminal because I might bump to the other person.....This would be a usual night except that 5 minutes ago I have finally break free to a relationship that was not ment to be ..in short..I have to break up with my boyfriend.. Ironically..It felt good...letting go of something I really covet..


Letting go of something your really want it not easy especially if there is no assurance of you'll going to have it again..It requires faith...It is faith that will make you strong to stay firm on your decision...After that day ve spent sleepless night...and occasionally you will saw me staring at something and crying..I realized that relationship is n joke...how you begin & how you ends really matters. In the saddest part of my life, I've come to appreciate all the people who really care for me...

Year pass and little by little I've strive to be a better person. I learned how to value my values, my family, my dreams. I see to it that I'll keep on learning...I've attended seminars, workshops, camps...etc..in various area of interest...I'm doing this for myself & for him..I'm not just waiting ..I'm preparing .I'm enjoying the things that I thought I'll give up when I'm with him I'm still holding on to God's promise that he will give me his Best..though honestly I often doubt but of course He is God..One thing is for sure I will not wake things that is not yet due....alam nya na yon..

To my impatience, doubts, & uncertainty...beyond my loneliness..I submit to the great plan of God..He who is the source of Love that is true & endless..until then to the man I will submit my vow..ang tagal mo san ka na ba??

as requested by jm

as requested by jm..i hope you like it boi....

black & white ..blog main pic

bench models v1

I love this pic.....color adjustment lang po..cropping ...& erase erase ng slippers ni val..panira ng view.. I originally wanted to make this pic as a front cover of fashion mag..I just change my mind..Ok naman silang maging bench model.sa ayaw at ayaw ng bench

yan & kc

This photo was taken at Zambales last April. I'm not a good photographer but I think I did good with this one .....

friend

I'm so happy with the result of my new artwork..

valdo

val + blurred background+green hair+blue eyes= picture above

expressive erdell

ang makulay na mundo ni erdell...

Part I

erdell draft

STAGE 1,, TEASER.....

yuri & sam project 1

eureka..

Today's Verse Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.— Romans 12:15 (NIV)




Its good to have friends...& be a friend to someone...
Mia & I have a aftershift date at Robinsons Galleria..It was fun & worthwhile to spend some time with a friend. We have some serious talk about relationship & stuff and how to deal with it. Most of the time we have is looking for a gift to Mia's inaanak . We bought some cute gifts ..so cute that Mia thought of keeping it for herself...With all the chitchat and everything we've come out an idea of starting a business. We thought that we would be a great pair because of our ideals in life. I'm excited with it..should I?...Mia is Marketing graduate of Miriam and with the training & knowledge she will be a great help. I on behalf is a BS Math major in Computer Science. My vision, resources, and drive would help this business push through. I hope...haha ..just kidding.. We will brainstorm about this business...We will study the pro's & con's. If Lord permits everything will go according to Plan.
I hope it would bloom from partnership to friendship..

Navi project 2

hi ate jaja, as promised.. eto na lang yung pinili kong pic ..close up kasi..

version 1....

version 2

mukha bang na'vi..sensya na newbie pa lang sa editing
Thanks for allowing me to use your pic.

I hope you like it..

Navi project 1.

Mitch...How's Pandora?,,hehhehe.. Peace po!
You're pretty pa rin naman..hehe..

if you cant remember where I got this see pic below..

Application. No No!

"In all your ways acknowlege Him, and He will direct your path"

I guess is not the right time to look for a job. Good thing God knows about that.....To begin with, the resume that I submitted is not that updated. I just prepared it in the last minuite-contact numbers & reference is not updated.. Here is what happen....When I got to the building I went to 5 different floors before arriving to the right one. I gave my resume to the receptionist with no position in mind, which makes me realize that I came to a battle with no particular mission...what the..all my co applicants is applying for managerial level. They look like I.T. guru.. I wish!.anyways while waiting for my name to be called I find it creepy to work on this kind of height-35 floor..Within less than 5 minuites I heared my name called clarifying for the position ..again ..I felt like a looser their but I have to compose myself. I was interviewed, little bit informal just the basic stuff, resume information, reason for leaving, expectation.. etc.to conclude they will give me a callback if they already find a position that suits to my qualification. I'm a little bit dissapointed because I was there already and the word "will call you back" is not a good thing to hear when your applying for a job. I felt that I lost my chance...but I still believe that If i am destined to work there...It will eventually happen..Right Now I'm thinking of my plan B..Whats next Sam!! Shall I apply for the International Bank but the location is no good or shall I look for a daytime job but half the salary that I have..Waahhh ..Its so hard to decide...I'll just leave it to God's hand...

I miss you!

eto na ang emo...ng mga emo...

Ang Tanong...

What would be worst in missing someone badly & there's no way for him/her to look for??

Ang Sagot..

The person is there in front of you but you cannot bring back the relationship that you had before!! You'll just have to look at the person at far..wishing for another chance to have him/her again. .....And what hurt most is that you saw him/ her with other person & all you can say is that I used to be that person...I used to be the person who makes him smile..

Ang remedyo..

Get over...be happy for him or her..kahit mahirap. (emo ka naman eh!!..kaya mo yan)

big head...

hehehe....one of my first edited pics..

Sarap Buhay.......................

wHAT A day. Tiring but worthwhile!!....Today is our condo day...yehey....I almost got lost on my way to the condo good thing I was able to find my way before manong driver direct me to a different place. My gymate Iza & Reyson was so kind to invite me in their place to hang out. We stayed on the unit for a while. I take a nap & watch tv afterwards we put our swimming attire & plunge ourselves on the pool. Our main goal is to loose weight.. I think we did...bUt gained it afterwards..hehehe..It such a fun experience & I'm looking forward to our next condo bonding ..I promised we will not forget our cam!!.

1st entry

welcome po sa blog ko